redefining connection and meaningful action
a list of small [big] steps I've taken this week
I made a list of the steps I’ve taken this week to prepare myself for what’s coming, live into my values, connect to my people, and protect my precious attention during this chaotic and dangerous time.
The list feels important because these goals sound lofty, and my fear and grief are so big, but honestly the actions feel small and mundane. But I know they are also meaningful, and grounding, and the most important things I can do right now. Writing them down helped.
What’s really coming up for me is that I’m realizing how much I need to reclaim my mind from the effects of social media these past 10 years or so - redefine what connection and meaningful action are to me. To remind myself that my actions matter EVEN WHEN I DON’T POST THEM. That constantly “being connected” by posting my feelings and thoughts, in fact, skews me towards a false, quantitative but ultimately unsatisfying sense of connection - over 100 people hearted my post! but I didn’t actually feel connected to any of them. Texting two friends or making a vulnerable phone call is harder, but more fulfilling, and I need to relearn to let go of the idea that it doesn’t matter if I didn’t post it. And in fact, while it FEELS like it matters to post and repost my political beliefs (100 people liked it!), it’s not an inherently meaningful action.
So here is a list I made, to remind myself that my actions matter and I’m doing things, even when my mind is still unlearning these patterns.
Actions I took this week:
Reached out and got connected to a local group - even though I’m afraid it’s not PERFECT
I started by thinking about friends I know and trust who are involved in this org locally, and reached out to them to see if they’d talk on the phone with me to let me ask lots of questions about what’s currently going on. They were personally able to guide me towards a campaign that fits my interests and strengths right now - and away from others that don’t!
I’m now connected by text with the people who run the campaign I’m interested in helping with, and will be attending an in person meeting next month. My brain keeps coming up with reasons that I should back out because this group and these people aren’t quite right . . . but I’m practicing ignoring those thoughts and just showing up to be human together.
Tried a mass zoom call, and left halfway through
Turns out I love the work this org is doing, but I found this mass call boring and not what I needed! And decided that’s okay! I’m glad I tried and that it’s happening, and I decided it’s okay if this is a group I support financially as a dues paying member ($5/mo), but not with a ton of my time at the moment
Showed up to an event that I couldn’t get in to . . .
. . . because SO MANY PEOPLE in Durham want to learn how to protect their neighbors from ICE 😭 Honestly this warmed my heart and made me so happy. I’ll do a virtual training soon. And I was proud of myself for making myself show up (when I really wanted to stay home), even though I couldn’t get in!
Decided to leave social media
I have decided. I am practicing not constantly second guessing this decision - honestly, if not now, when? If the currently racist oligarchy that owns these platforms doesn’t motivate me to leave this platform I’ve already kind of wanted to leave, what will?
To be fair to myself and all of us, what makes this hard is the sense of connection to activism I’m afraid I’ll be losing - but I’m retraining my mind towards close connection and quality over quantity. We need tight, nimble, radical webs of community to protect each other right now. What if I go back to getting my news from the org I’m connected to, and texting with, and showing up to in person? What friends can I text when I want to know what’s going on with a particular issue or community or kind of event? I hold those friends in my mind. I have decided.
Re-evaluated who and what to support financially each month (for me, $3 - $6/mo ea):
I also did a lil inventory and dropped some orgs/artists that weren’t a good fit in this moment any more! My income is very limited! But these are groups and artists I feel so good being a member of and supporting financially right now. Bye NYT subscription!
Prepared to leave social media by subscribing to newsletters from people I want to get my news and art from. Top recommendation right now:
I’ve also just been taking note as I scroll through instagram who I really love hearing from, and clicking the links in their bio to find out how else I can be connected. Podcast? Newsletter? Books?
Texted 2 friends (who aren’t my romantic partner) when I was feeling sad and scared, just to be witnessed in my feelings.
Received comfort back. Miracle.
Started a hardcore practice of unsubscribing to anything in my email box that’s cluttering my attention
I always mean to do this but now I’m doing it in the moment all the time. UNSUBSCRIBE UNSUBSCRIBE UNSUBSCRIBE from some random company I bought something from one time?!?!?! GET OUTA MY INBOX this is now a sacred space for precious newsletter missives from carefully chosen loves and leaders
Thanks for letting me be in your inbox. This is where I’ll share personal thoughts and pics as I prepare to pull the plug on Insta.
xoxoxo M
So much admiration, my friend.